ROGUES IN THE HOUSE

What a unique pair of Conan stories these last two have been. "The God in the Bowl" was a locked room mystery that would make an excellent bottle episode of TV (do they still have to do bottle episodes?) and now "Rogues in the House" feels entirely different from any other Conan story I've read. It's not because of its genre, but rather its dynamite characterization.

"Let me cut his throat; I want to see what color his blood is. They say in the Maze that his heart is black, so his blood must be black, too—"

Somehow written in only one draft ​in January of 1933, "Rogues in the House" is a really fun time and is probably the funniest Conan story I've read. It follows Conan being sprung from jail by the young nobleman Murilo, who is certain that his life has been threatened by the Red Priest Nabonidus. Nabonidus has furtively gifted him a disembodied ear, so I'm kind of with Murilo on this one. Murilo's a young buck whose plan doesn't go as he envisioned- the guard he bribes is arrested totally by coincidence, leaving Conan to essentially free himself. Thinking that he needs to take matters into his own hands, Murilo goes to the house of the Red Priest to kill him by his own hand.

“Glad you liked ‘Rogues in the House.’ That was one of those yarns which seemed to write itself. I didn’t rewrite it even once. As I remember I only erased and changed one word in it, and then sent it in just as it was written. I had a splitting sick headache, too, when I wrote the first half, but that didn’t seem to affect my work any. I wish to thunder I could write with equal ease all the time." -Robert E. Howard

Conan, on the other hand, manages to escape prison anyway by doming a guard with a beef bone and strolling out. To get his revenge on a woman who sold him out to the guard, he, quite hilariously, breaks into her house and drops her from the second story into a pile of shit (in The Maze, a section of the city notable for its particularly shit-strewn streets).

Conan meets up with Murilo who has gotten captured, and the two must make their way from the dungeons out of Nabonidus's booby-trapped house together. While Conan is still young (according to "A Probable Outline of Conan's Career," he's 19 or 20 now), he gets to be contrasted by the utter greenhorn Murilo throughout the story. Murilo is likable (mostly) and seems totally in over his head, which gives Conan a chance to really show off his skill as the muscle. They're quickly joined by the Red Priest himself, who has been knocked out and left in the dungeons, creating an unlikely and uneasy trio of these Rogues which are in the House.

The aspect of the story with by far the most mirth is the relationship between Nabonidus and his missing-link servant, Thak, who is also hunting them through the house. Now, I really love Conan and his world, but I don't think anyone would ever accuse Robert E. Howard of stunning characterization. They're largely flat, stock characters. Evil sorcerers, duplicitous beauties, power-hungry rulers... even Conan is most often a sullen, stubborn soldier of fortune. Nabonidus and Thak buck this trend, though. 

"Conan," he whispered, "it was no man that stood before me! In body and posture it was not unlike a man, but from the scarlet hood of the priest grinned a face of madness and nightmare! It was covered with black hair, from which small pig- like eyes glared redly; its nose was flat, with great flaring nostrils; its loose lips writhed back, disclosing huge yellow fangs, like the teeth of a dog. The hands that hung from the scarlet sleeves were misshapen and likewise covered with black hair. All this I saw in one glance, and then I was overcome with horror; my senses left me and I swooned."

Thak (a pig-eyed, close-eared, hairy creature that's about two-thirds human and one-third beast) is several things to the Red Priest: a pet, a student, a science project, a servant, a guard, and we get to see Nabonidus react with glee as he realizes that Thak has maintained some of the lessons he's tried to teach him, or is at least mirroring his master. As Conan, Murilo, and Nabonidus watch Thak from a complex system of advanced mirrors that work like a security camera, Thak dispatches of even more rogues who had entered his house to kill him, excitedly noting that Thak was growing intellectually, while still speaking of him like a thing.

The way Nabonidus acts with Thak and his one-time compatriots of Conan and Murilo render him much less predictable and way more enjoyable to spend time with than most Hyborian Age villains.

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The house of the Red Priest is also a fun spot from which our protagonist rogues need to escape. It's trapped by a series of curtains and pull-strings which render each doorway a mystery. It's got the classic sense of adventure that the best Conan stories do, but with lots of pathos and humor along the way. By the time Conan casually hucks a chair across the room at the grinning Nabonidus (who has, of course, tried to double-cross his fellow rogues), killing him, I laughed out loud. His blood does run red indeed.

Conan concludes this story by taking a horse and riding out of this city in Corinthia, presumably far to the east. The next story in our chronology is "The Hand of Nergal," which takes place far to the east in Turan. I made a note at the end of my last entry that perhaps "Rogues" and "Bowl" should be switched in their placement, and at this point, I don't think it really matters. In my own opinion, the vibe of this story fits nicely in with the thief stories, so including it alongside "The Tower of the Elephant," and "The Hall of the Dead" comprises a nice little trilogy.

There's a ton of great art of Conan fighting Thak-- especially that Frank Frazetta painting at the top, featuring Conan wrapping his legs around Thak. I'm a huge slut for Frazetta-- so I've plastered them all over this post.

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I hadn't read any adaptions of "Rogues in the House" prior to this, which surprises me (it probably shouldn't since I've stuck to Savage Sword so religiously). It's a really cool story that would translate well to other mediums. I know it has an adaption in the Marvel Conan the Barbarian title, so I've finally decided to pull the trigger on getting Conan the Barbarian: The Original Comics Omnibus Vol.1 when it releases in September. I don't usually do omnibuses, but I'm pretty excited to dig into it, so I think I'll pony up the massive pricetag.

"The Hand of Nergal" is next.

★★★★★